Barstool Bard Gifts

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'Insofar as hard figures are still unavailable, our Mr.Rendleman has written a poem which explores the essence of the firm's situation.'

'Shakespeare, what do you say we write a comedy?'

Tonight 'Richard III' a new play by William Shakespeare.

"In every situation, an executive has to decide whether to lead by consensus, charisma or cattle prod. Trust me... it's not always this easy!"

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

My first mistake.

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

'I miss the rarefied atmosphere of Mt. Olympus.'

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"Real estate values soar, cute boutiques proliferate, fine cuisine abounds. These are exciting times to live in Hoboken."

"Do you know what we need? We need drinking songs."

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"Renovating your bathroom?"

John takes a personivacation.

'Only the high-traffic path needs cleaning - from the couch to the bar.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

Executive MFA