Barstool Dreamer Gifts

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."

"I'm bored."

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

My first mistake.

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

"Real estate values soar, cute boutiques proliferate, fine cuisine abounds. These are exciting times to live in Hoboken."

"Do you know what we need? We need drinking songs."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

'Only the high-traffic path needs cleaning - from the couch to the bar.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

Most of his innovative product ideas first saw life in his home studio.

'You've never experienced the Amazon...it's a jungle.'

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'Boozer's Week.'

'Come to our microbrew party. It's B.Y.O.B. Bring Your Own Brewery.'

"Don't ask me. I don't know what 'my country 'tis of thee' means, either."

"So, your friend Victor's a doctor?"

"I gotta say: I admire his judicial temperament."

His career of well designed new products had begun in the sandbox.

"No, actually the viola is played more like this."

"My wife thinks I'm out looking for a job..."