Baptism Banterers Gifts

"It's just a precaution, we've had a few close calls lately."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

Lesbians for Christ

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"That? Oh, uh yah...that was Stuart."

"Having bitten the apple I think we should cover our phones with fig-leaves."

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

"D'you have sparkling?"

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

'The middle east eh! See somebody's wife has been turned into a pillar of salt, the Hittites are at it again, a load of slaves have escaped fro Egypt by parting the sea, and some lot have destroyed the walls of Jericho with trumpets, when will ever end?'

'Sorry, no carbs.'

A patrolman pulls over a nude man on a motorcycle who is wearing angel wings and a snorkelmask. says:' Late for your baptism eh?.... .'

A priest is about to christen a baby with a bottle of champagne.

'Ha, water from the sky indeed. What's next, I wonder? Colors in the sky in the shape of an arc? This guy's a real whack job."

"Let's not forget who's christening WHO,sonny boy!"

Conrad Grebel (Anabaptism)

"Your bible says disobedient children should be stoned to death. Won't you agree that capital punishment is an improper parenting technique?"

"How long have you been a child minder?"

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

"Now are you happy?"

'What really worries me is that I was never baptized.'

Hank, the neighborhood homeless person was shocked when the lights came on in the sanctuary during his Saturday night bathtismal.