Quirky Baptism Enthusiasts Gifts

"D'you have sparkling?"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"Two for Bethlehem, I assume you want a Virgin flight."

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"

At Michawl Phelps' baptism.

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"Why is this certificate all wet?"

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Yeah, those first few minutes...nothing but a lot of slap and tickle!"

"Finally - a faith-based initiative I can embrace."

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

'This church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, and twenties. . .'

"He promised to get a job when he get parole - so he's seeing how to get into the church."

"Sorry, I left my credit cards at home!"

Jesus was a republican because he rode into Jerusalem on a Democrat...

A bride and groom riding a giant fish

"It's just a precaution, we've had a few close calls lately."

"Your deadliest sin was cheating at church bingo."

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

The pope.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Thou shalt make room for donuts...it's a new commandment for the Church of Danae.'

"John, how are you gonna Baptize me when you throw like a girl?"

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

A priest is about to christen a baby with a bottle of champagne.

'God, you did this to me you son of a bitch!'

Conrad Grebel (Anabaptism)