Biblical Banterists Gifts

Lesbians for Christ

"Having bitten the apple I think we should cover our phones with fig-leaves."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Well, we needed the rain."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"Does the ark have wifi?"

"It's got 128 KB of Ram, 64 KB or Rom, and a spell checker for when you invent writing."

"I really don't care what yours says. My weather app says rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I think you should probably go with that, Noah."