Bible Banter Gifts

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Have your people call my people."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

'Don't worry it's organic...'

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

'Did You say 'ark' or 'ork'?'

Moses and the bridge.

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Jesus is talking again with the tax collectors. We must be close to the fiscal year end."

Lesbians for Christ

"Don't forget the screenplay."

Quick, follow that star

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'