Bible Banter Gifts

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Have your people call my people."

'Don't worry it's organic...'

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

Moses and the bridge.

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

Quick, follow that star

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

"Don't forget the screenplay."

Lesbians for Christ

'Did You say 'ark' or 'ork'?'

"Jesus is talking again with the tax collectors. We must be close to the fiscal year end."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'