Biblical Banter Fan Gifts

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

Sistine Selfie

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

Lesbians for Christ

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"He changed water into wine!"

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

'Bad news everyone! The Ark didn't turn out as I expected.'

"The good news is everyone's on board. The bad news is the unicorns are gay."

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"Eve just went nuclear and split an Adam!"

The parting of the pizza

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

'I said, 'Roses.' Stop and smell the Roses!'

'You pick the apple and I'll bake the pie.'