Biblical Banter Fan Gifts

Ghostwriting the Bible

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Sistine Selfie

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

Lesbians for Christ

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

"He changed water into wine!"

'Bad news everyone! The Ark didn't turn out as I expected.'

John the Baptist was clothed in camels hair and eight locusts.

"The dove certainly helped, but GPS really nailed it."

"The good news is everyone's on board. The bad news is the unicorns are gay."

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"Eve just went nuclear and split an Adam!"

Flight Into Egypt.

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

The parting of the pizza

Moses after forty years in the desserts...

Mythical creatures on standby to enter Noah's ark.

Ark/RKO