Biblical Banter Gifts

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'Aren't you going to add a disclaimer?'

'I turned wine into water.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Ghostwriting the Bible

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Have your people call my people."

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

'Don't worry it's organic...'

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

Moses and the bridge.

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Don't forget the screenplay."

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

Quick, follow that star