Biblical Humor Gifts

'He only got this job because of who his dad is.'

"Some cruise! It rained for the entire trip!"

'...and then the bad woman gave the snake the apple, and that's when our problems began.'

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

"Look, all we're asking is to be treated as ordinary males and females!"

'Flood it and we'll do a retake.'

'I believe each testament should have some gibberish that people think are prophesies.'

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Fishing with God

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS