Biblical Humor Gifts

'He only got this job because of who his dad is.'

"Some cruise! It rained for the entire trip!"

'...and then the bad woman gave the snake the apple, and that's when our problems began.'

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

"Look, all we're asking is to be treated as ordinary males and females!"

'Flood it and we'll do a retake.'

'I believe each testament should have some gibberish that people think are prophesies.'

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"Well, we needed the rain."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Fishing with God

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.