Biblical Banter Enthusiasts Gifts

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Moses' Tablet

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Ten Commandments

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

Noah's ark, many lions

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Have your people call my people."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'