Biblical Banter Enthusiasts Gifts

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

Ten Commandments

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Noah's ark, many lions

'Well, there go all MY plans....'