Baptismal Humorist Gifts

A patrolman pulls over a nude man on a motorcycle who is wearing angel wings and a snorkelmask. says:' Late for your baptism eh?.... .'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Pope tarts.

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

Sermon Applause.

"It's got 128 KB of Ram, 64 KB or Rom, and a spell checker for when you invent writing."