Band Wannabes Gifts

"And another thing - I'm tired of you calling my band a 'side project'."

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'I could have been the next Neil Young, but my ol' man made me take singing lessons.'

As Seen On TV

'It's not just that he plays games all the time, it's the games he plays. He's not playing 'Guitar Hero,' he's playing 'Guitar Sidekick''.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"We could start a band."

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Before and After Tattoos.

"I was assistant to Prince Andrew for six months, then I realised that, no matter how good I was, they were never going to make me Prince Andrew."

Man on a desert island with only one palm tree making it impossible to hang a hammock.

In-law country

A young boy shaving

Trying to thumb his nose at authority, Lumpy stuck his thumb in his eye! Man covering eye with his hand.

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

'Don't they ever go down with their ruddy gondolas?'

The Chest of Drawers Whisperer.

"What a guy!"

They had always thought you had to be a karate master to get a black belt. Then one day, they discovered it was the other way around.

'I'm not getting any hits!' 'Bloggers can't be choosers.'

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

"I've got a part in a soap."

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."

Viking Hats.

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

Ernie's Insurance. Ernie, you'll never sell any policies if you don't tell people that you're in the insurance business. I know, but I like thinking of myself as a "secret agent."