Banana Jester Gifts

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

Crow and fox

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'He's all eyes!'

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

"My family argues so much over living in the city or country that it makes me feel like pulled pork."

"All rise."

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

"My entire family's coming for the holidays."

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

'My Dad will like you. He's the care-taker at the monkey house in the zoo.'

'And before we start, Higgins, I'd like to remind you that this is not a laughing matter.'

That fateful day when curiosity actually DID kill the cat.

"He didn't slip on even one of those peels..."

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

"Frankly, I don't really want him to improve: he scares the predators away..."

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

'The mysteries of hyena laughter deciphered.'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'...How can I trust you to handle multimillion-dollar accounts if you can't even spin a basketball on your fingertip?'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'Baby sand shark eat their siblings.'

"For the last time, young man, I said 'NO'! You may NOT feed bubble gum to the dog!"

"We're a big, happy family here, so think of your firing as tough love."