Bar Jester Gifts

Actually, it's not the tequila talking, it's the beer. It's a cute little ventriloquism act they worked up together. ? ?

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"#notguilty."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

Bad Interview Technique

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'He started it!'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He's all eyes!'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'