Awkward Situation Humorist Pillows

"Surprise visitor! Come and kiss mother."

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

Bad Interview Technique

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

Shy Man at Party

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card could you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me, or take out a sexual harassment suit."

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

'Can‘t you knock before coming in? I could have been doing God knows what...'

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

"The interview was going great until she noticed on my c.v. that I was her ex husband."

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'

'I just don't think it appropriate to have your old divorce lawyer as your best man.'

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"So, do you come nowhere often?"