Surprise Scenario Humorist Pillows

'Can‘t you knock before coming in? I could have been doing God knows what...'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

"I knew it, there is an autocorrect demon!"

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

A bowls player bowling a bomb

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."

Can You Dance?

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

Car driving comes upon fork in road.

Sunny desert island next to rainy desert islands.

'Looks like the milk depot are doing a promotion on fireworks again.'

A cow in a wind tunnel.

Alien Abduction

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'Cheer up Mom...They say dead is the new 80.'

'It happens.'

I didn't realise you sold shoes!

"Weird - it must have gotten mixed in with the office supplies when I left the job."

Kibble Woman

'It looks like another victim of Jack the Rapper, Sarge!'

'This guy REALLY leads a sheltered life- he lists Santa as a reference.'

'Hey, look!'

Man crawls in the desert see a vending machine with a sign: Mirages - Morning, afternoon, evening