Surprise Scenario Humorist Pillows

'Can‘t you knock before coming in? I could have been doing God knows what...'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

"I knew it, there is an autocorrect demon!"

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

A bowls player bowling a bomb

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

Can You Dance?

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

Car driving comes upon fork in road.

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

Alien Abduction

Sunny desert island next to rainy desert islands.

"Awesome. You made it look so real, people will think you came close to actually falling."

A cow in a wind tunnel.

'Looks like the milk depot are doing a promotion on fireworks again.'

'Cheer up Mom...They say dead is the new 80.'

'It happens.'

'It looks like another victim of Jack the Rapper, Sarge!'

'All good things come to an end . . .'

'Hey, look!'

Man crawls in the desert see a vending machine with a sign: Mirages - Morning, afternoon, evening

'This guy REALLY leads a sheltered life- he lists Santa as a reference.'

I didn't realise you sold shoes!