Situation Humorist Pillows

"I haven't got time for a whole lot of paperwork. The wedding's tomorrow."

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

"Ed Lowry: Worst hunter ever"

"Previously on..."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

'It's time for a bold new direction...I'm changing my catchphrase from 'lock and load' to 'yank and crank.''

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

I don't care if you have a ticket - hop it.

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card could you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me, or take out a sexual harassment suit."

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

"You mind if I smoke?"

'Can‘t you knock before coming in? I could have been doing God knows what...'

Come hell, or highwater, Eric remains confident that his call will come.

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

"If anyone's got a plan B, now would be a good time."

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

"Why am I always the bad guy?"

"Kfetch!"

"It's these new glasses dear! I thought it was you!"

Escaping the Firing Squad.

"We'll be catering the school dance!"

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

Ledge Rescue Service

Woman gossiping on emergency phone

'Yes... Now I see - no pocket. So perhaps the glove is defective.'

Fanning a man who's passed out with money.

'I had my tattoo removed!'

'They all send their love except Mother who says break the other arm.'