Awkward Diners Gifts

'This is a bit awkward, but we'll have the chicken.'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

Sushi Train Spotters

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

"I'll have the chef."

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

I recommend the ketchup.

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'I'll have the duck ? l'orange, without the duck, of course.'

'If it has a 'G' next to it, it'll give you a little gas; a 'B' will cause some belching; 'N' may create a bit of nausea...'

"No, no, no, my wife said she'll have a quiche!"

'Are you sure you are not allergic to seafood.'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that much of a surprise.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

Frank 'n' Steins...beer & bratwurst (chef Frankenstein).

"Your college student, home for the holidays, waits until dinner to announce that he is now a vegan. . ."

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

"As my late husband, here, used to say...."