Attaining Enlightenment Gifts

"Are we there yet?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Voltaire

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

My God, I need to fart.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"All the celebrities come here."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

''Meaning of Life' is the next mountain over. I teach auto mechanics.'

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'