Attaining Enlightenment T-Shirts

"Are we there yet?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Voltaire

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

My God, I need to fart.

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"All the celebrities come here."

''Meaning of Life' is the next mountain over. I teach auto mechanics.'

OM, SWEET OM

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'