Achieving Enlightenment Gifts

'It's nice that you just attained enlightenment, but you're not supposed to yell 'Oo-RAH!''

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Voltaire

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

My God, I need to fart.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Guru.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"All the celebrities come here."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

OM, SWEET OM

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'