Achieving Enlightenment Pillows

'It's nice that you just attained enlightenment, but you're not supposed to yell 'Oo-RAH!''

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Voltaire

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

My God, I need to fart.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"All the celebrities come here."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'