Enlightenment Seeker Gifts

"Are we there yet?"

"I have reached the higher plane of consciousness and enlightenment."

'Oh yeah! First to reach enlightenment... Right here! Eat my dust, bitches!'

Guru sells mountaintop franchises.

"Now I have a question for you."

"Sure, we're attaining enlightenment, but we're not building EQUITY."

"But if I become one with the Universe, won't I get BLAMED for everything?"

'I can explain the mysteries of the universe but no one can explain why teachers don't get paid enough!'

'I know, but I still hate Mondays.'

Please take a number.

'I'll be danged- that's exactly what mom told me.'

David Hume

WISDOM! WHILE IT LASTS!, 'Maybe the sign wasn't such a hot idea after all.'

'Maybe you just weren't cut out for enlightenment.'

'Oh, sure - It's always about extinguishing YOUR ego, isn't it?'

Ascetic sitting on edge of tall building

"All the celebrities come here."

"Yes, the meaning of life is...just a moment, I really should take this!"

"Alexa, give me the meaning of life..."

"Actually, I just came up here to get away from leading economic indicators."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Swami Ananda, here, has also discovered the secret of life!"

"Ow! - I've got something in my third eye!"

"Forgot my keys."

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'Two bowls of gruel? -- What is this, a feeding frenzy?'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"Damn.. I think I left the gas on..."

'Hi! I just moved to the next mountain - may I borrow a cup of Karma?'

'Maybe if we put an ad on Craig's List....'

'Sorry I'm late - there was a mixup, and I got reincarnated in Naples instead of Nepal.'

'Don't sweat it, kid - Just say something touchy-feely and he'll go aways happy.'

Guru.

'Everything is illusory, but television is ESPECIALLY illusory.'

"...To sum up, then, everything is illusory - Do you guys have any questions?"