Enlightenment Journeyer Gifts

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

My God, I need to fart.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

Guru.

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"All the celebrities come here."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"You've been served."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."