Enlightenment Journeyer Pillows

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

My God, I need to fart.

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Guru.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"All the celebrities come here."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"You've been served."