Enlightenment Quester Pillows

'I've overcome my fears of personal mortality and the indifference of the Universe, but I'm still a little worried about those skip-tracers.'

'I've been reincarnated 47 time, and it's ALWAYS as some poor schlub sitting on a mountain!'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

My God, I need to fart.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Showoff"

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Guru.

'Want to make it two out of three?'

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"All the celebrities come here."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"You've been served."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

''Meaning of Life' is the next mountain over. I teach auto mechanics.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'