Enlightenment Quester T-Shirts

'I've overcome my fears of personal mortality and the indifference of the Universe, but I'm still a little worried about those skip-tracers.'

'I've been reincarnated 47 time, and it's ALWAYS as some poor schlub sitting on a mountain!'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

My God, I need to fart.

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"Showoff"

Guru.

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"All the celebrities come here."

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"You've been served."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Meaning of Life' is the next mountain over. I teach auto mechanics.'

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'