Seeking Enlightenment Gifts

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

"The meaning of life? Funny you should ask."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

My God, I need to fart.

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Guru.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"All the celebrities come here."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

''Meaning of Life' is the next mountain over. I teach auto mechanics.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

'Oh, this is my son - I'm home-enlightening him.'

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'It's not considered good form to brag about extinguishing your ego.'