Seeking Enlightenment Gifts

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

"The meaning of life? Funny you should ask."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

My God, I need to fart.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Guru.

"All the celebrities come here."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

''Meaning of Life' is the next mountain over. I teach auto mechanics.'

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'It's not considered good form to brag about extinguishing your ego.'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'Order one with anchovies -- I've never seen a fish!'