Seeker Of Enlightenment Gifts

'And how many are living in this dwelling-enlightened or otherwise?'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Living up here is the best I can afford -- I'm still paying alimony from three past lives!'

"I feel I've been put in my place by the universe."

'Maybe if we put an ad on Craig's List....'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

My God, I need to fart.

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Showoff"

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Guru.

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"All the celebrities come here."

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

''Meaning of Life' is the next mountain over. I teach auto mechanics.'

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

'I don't know who I am. I have a donor heart, a donor kidney, a donor liver,a donor cornea, a donor lung...'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

'It's not considered good form to brag about extinguishing your ego.'