Enlightenment Achiever Gifts

"Showoff"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Voltaire

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

My God, I need to fart.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Guru.

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"All the celebrities come here."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"You've been served."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

''Meaning of Life' is the next mountain over. I teach auto mechanics.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'