Enlightenment Achiever Gifts

"Showoff"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Voltaire

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

My God, I need to fart.

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"All the celebrities come here."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"You've been served."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'