Enlightenment Enthusiasist Gifts

"Enlightenment is nice, but is it worth the commute?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Others will fight for you

Team Leader

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Voltaire

National Everything Awareness Day

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

My God, I need to fart.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.

"We finally found a way to bottle enthusiasm."

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"You've been served."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"All the celebrities come here."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"