Astrology Joke Lover Pillows

Take an opportunity to go shopping for attire!

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

The Inner Dog.

"So, what is your star sign?"

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

Monster Horrorscopes

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

Documentation Please

'So what's your sign?'

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

Fortune Tellers Convention

"Eye irritation is quite common when Saturn and Jupiter are in this position. It's called conjunctivitis."

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

'I miss the evildoers.'

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

'I'm a Pisces.'