Astrology Joke Lover Gifts

Take an opportunity to go shopping for attire!

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

The Inner Dog.

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

Monster Horrorscopes

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"So, what is your star sign?"

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

"Eye irritation is quite common when Saturn and Jupiter are in this position. It's called conjunctivitis."

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

Documentation Please

'So what's your sign?'

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Fortune Tellers Convention

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

'I miss the evildoers.'

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch