Astronomy Humorist Gifts

Astronomy 101. Moon. No, a "waxing" moon does not have anything to so with hair removal.

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

Man, my cat sneaks into the weirdest spots.

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

God Sneezes Out Creation

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Clown God

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

When bacteria trash talk to antibodies. Oh yeah?! You and what course of antibiotics?!

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

How Glaciations Begin

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

Black Hole Research Institute - Office only has IN tray - no OUT tray.

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"