Astronomy Humorist Pillows

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

God Sneezes Out Creation

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Clown God

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

She loves to play with string theory.

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

How Glaciations Begin

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

Black Hole Research Institute - Office only has IN tray - no OUT tray.

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"