Astrology Humorist Pillows

Anti-Bias Training Seminar: No Sagittarians!

Nostrildamus.

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

Water is discovered on the moon....

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Those are the Divinity students.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

Heaven

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

Life on cloud 8

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"Sometimes I miss a good smiting."

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

New Years Reolutions