Humorous Horoscope Fan Pillows

'I've finished your horoscope, Bucky.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Nostradamus.

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

Documentation Please

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'

'I'm a Pisces.'

'I don't believe in astrology. I think that's because I'm a Leo.'

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

'I miss the evildoers.'

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'I'll be right with you. I'm reading my horoscope.'

"Libra (September 23-October 23): Busy, busy, busy."

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

The newspaper that psychics read every morning.

Your Star.

'I see a short, fair, ugly man coming into your life.'

"We're thinking about getting a little pied-a-terre in hell."

Benedict XVI Resigns.