Horoscope Enthusiasts Pillows

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Nostradamus.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

"So, what is your star sign?"

Year of the Rat

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"As an astronomer, this discovery heralds a new golden age of academic fervor for mathematicians and astrophysicists across the globe. As a Sagittarius, I'm fucked."

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

"I'd be a lot more comfortable with a Pisces."

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

doom.com

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

Documentation Please

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

"Eye irritation is quite common when Saturn and Jupiter are in this position. It's called conjunctivitis."

"Who's there?"

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

"It's my New Year!"