Horoscope Enthusiasts Gifts

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Nostradamus.

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

"As an astronomer, this discovery heralds a new golden age of academic fervor for mathematicians and astrophysicists across the globe. As a Sagittarius, I'm fucked."

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Year of the Rat

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

"So, what is your star sign?"

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

doom.com

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Documentation Please

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

"Who's there?"

"Eye irritation is quite common when Saturn and Jupiter are in this position. It's called conjunctivitis."

"I'd be a lot more comfortable with a Pisces."

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

"It's my New Year!"