Horoscope Fans Gifts

'Ah, here's what went wrong with your lovelife. This satellite interferes with your chart!'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Your climb up the company ladder starts now.

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

Nostradamus.

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

"Forget about tall and handsome. What about portfolio 10 year highs and lows?"

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

"I see you on a beach..."

Documentation Please

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

'Hey, Ruby, want to give this guy an estimate?'

Because I don't need my crystal ball to know what will happen if you don't clean your room.

'I'm a Pisces.'

"I see a vague figure of someone groping...groping...groping..Yes, yes, it's coming in more clearly now! It seems to be—yes, it is a man! The man has a briefcase! And some papers! The man is an economist!"

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

'I'll be right with you. I'm reading my horoscope.'

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"Can you wait just a minute while I check my latest horoscope?"

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"