Horoscope Enthusiast Gifts

"According to my Zip Code, I prefer non-spicy foods, enjoy tennis more than golf, subscribe to at least one news-oriented periodical, own between thirty and thirty-five ties, never buy lemon-scented products, and have a power tool in my basement, but none

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

Woman guessing an unusual looking man's star sign..'Taurean'

"No, Midheaven is not the same thing as purgatory."

"Can you wait just a minute while I check my latest horoscope?"

"According to your horoscope today is a good day to change the habits of a lifetime."

"My horoscope said to rest on the afternoon!"

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

"Mr. Pumroy's horoscope says he should avoid people today."

'If you are a Pisces, avoid driving today...

Your Star.

Priest: '...For richer or poorer,in sickness and in health...' Bride: 'Wait a minute! I need to consult my astrologer on this!'

'Hey, my horoscope says: 'Great time to travel'...'

"I won't read your horoscope, doctor. I know how the bad ones make you nervous!"

Someone may try to pull your leg this afternoon.

A gift from above will suddenly drop in your lap,

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

'I asked her what her sign was and she said, 'Stop.''

'My horoscope said unexpected company will be dropping in on me today.'

'I said - you don't want to read YOUR stars this morning, Fred!'

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

'This is Astral Bob. He reads horoscopes.'

November GP'S don't get shafted...November looks a bit unlikely!

'Dress for success, project confidence, and face the day with vital energy. Your romantic thoughts are very playful and adventurous today. This is an ideal time to show a certain someone your more seductive and charismatic side.'

'I'm a Pisces.'

"Listen to my horoscope in this issue of 'Wig and Weaves'. . ."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'