Horoscope Fan Gifts

'I'll be right with you. I'm reading my horoscope.'

Nostradamus.

If you love attention, this will be your kind of week!

"I'm not happy about what the economists are predicting."

"And that little pinpoint of light? That’s our new baby."

Mother nature takes her course.

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Look, dear, they offer cloud storage for optimistic economic projections...it's called Cloud 9.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'Gee, where are all the crowds this year?'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

Weather forecast.

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Documentation Please

"Forget about tall and handsome. What about portfolio 10 year highs and lows?"

"I see you on a beach..."

"Now...this piece of paper will reveal even more."

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

'Hey, Ruby, want to give this guy an estimate?'

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

"I do miss the crystal ball."

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

'I'm a Pisces.'

'The reason you're getting resistance to planning for the future is because nobody thinks they'll still be here.'

'I remember when tea leaves were the state-of-the-art method of forecasting.'

You Will Find a Nearby Restaurant!

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

When you celebrate life, so does heaven.

"And now for the weather forecast. . . it's cold."

"Can you wait just a minute while I check my latest horoscope?"

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'