Armed Police Officer Gifts

'Great News - it's not psoriasis . . . it's just an itchy trigger finger.'

The Anti-Agent

Hate Platforms

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

America, are we learning anything?

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

hard-boiled egg...

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'You know too much,'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Airport Security.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'