Armed Police Officer Gifts

'Great News - it's not psoriasis . . . it's just an itchy trigger finger.'

The Anti-Agent

Hate Platforms

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

America, are we learning anything?

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

hard-boiled egg...

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

'You know too much,'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Airport Security.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Now that's a win."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."