Armchair Captain Gifts

"When I first planned my retirement it was an ocean going 7 berth yacht with jacuzzi and helipad..."

Bowled over again!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Putting Practice.

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

Welsh airport arrivals.

"Goal!"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"Awwwk! Mutiny is a go! Pass it on! Awwk!"

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

Internet Cafe.

"This is his fifteenth successive Olympics."

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"