Appliance Retailer Gifts

'And with this model we throw in a nice selection of refrigerator magnets!'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"Al, you've been chosen Businessman of the Year by the Junior Chamber of Commerce."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

Entertainment systems

"My compliments to the can opener."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"This new dough-maker attachment is going to pay for itself in no time.'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

'And the funniest part is I made Frank go out and buy a new, $5,000 fridge, just to hold a $4.00 bottle of wine!'

The Guy Who Was Hooked Up To The Wrong Machines

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

"To toast!"

"Does it come with magnets?"

Bread maker, coffee maker, tea maker, pasta maker.

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

Castle drawbridge opens to reveal a dishwasher

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

"That is why you don't put 'instant rice' in a slow cooker."

"It comes with three programs! Single, married and kids!"

How the cords get all tangles up when you're away.

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"