Appliance Salesman Gifts

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

"Press this red button and it will order up a take-away pizza."

'Of course, no modern family can afford to live without our new energy efficient clothes dryer.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

The world's most unemployable family

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

'And the funniest part is I made Frank go out and buy a new, $5,000 fridge, just to hold a $4.00 bottle of wine!'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

When it came to appliance repairs...Joe wasn't one to mince his words!

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'Wow, that really was concentrated dish soap.'

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."

Yard Sale: Like-New Kitchen Gadgets

Your appliance maintenance agreement just expired. I'm here for your appliance...'

'It's just some 'Stir 'n' Blend', 'Bake 'n' Slice', 'Mix 'n' Broil', Chop 'n' Simmer and 'Pour 'n' Serve.'

'I just can't picture it in our kitchen ..got any sticky notes or magnets and crap we can plaster all over it?'

'You say your picture's funny?...I'm surprised you got a picture at all. That's a microwave oven!'

'Why can't you guys be more like the hot water heater, who may pay for itself in two years.'

'Hand over all your money or the toaster gets it!'

Appliance Theatre

A toaster plays fetch

'Maybe I shouldn't put 'instant cooling' on maximum.'

'Got any changing rooms to try this one on?'

'This one is more expensive, but it comes with factory installed door art and notes.'

He sold appliances.

'Of course, the one you buy would be upright. This is just the floor model.'

'Is there any way of keeping the light one when you're inside?'

Appliances. Air Shampoo $49. The air conditioner won't work properly if you don't shampoo the air first!

Yeah, I get it, it's hot - but you don