Appliance Salesman Gifts

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

"Press this red button and it will order up a take-away pizza."

'Of course, no modern family can afford to live without our new energy efficient clothes dryer.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

The world's most unemployable family

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

'And the funniest part is I made Frank go out and buy a new, $5,000 fridge, just to hold a $4.00 bottle of wine!'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

When it came to appliance repairs...Joe wasn't one to mince his words!

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'Wow, that really was concentrated dish soap.'

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."

Yard Sale: Like-New Kitchen Gadgets

'It's just some 'Stir 'n' Blend', 'Bake 'n' Slice', 'Mix 'n' Broil', Chop 'n' Simmer and 'Pour 'n' Serve.'

'I just can't picture it in our kitchen ..got any sticky notes or magnets and crap we can plaster all over it?'

'You say your picture's funny?...I'm surprised you got a picture at all. That's a microwave oven!'

Appliance Theatre

'Hand over all your money or the toaster gets it!'

'Why can't you guys be more like the hot water heater, who may pay for itself in two years.'

'Got any changing rooms to try this one on?'

'Maybe I shouldn't put 'instant cooling' on maximum.'

'This one is more expensive, but it comes with factory installed door art and notes.'

A toaster plays fetch

'Of course, the one you buy would be upright. This is just the floor model.'

'Is there any way of keeping the light one when you're inside?'

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

'You aerated the wine in the blender again, didn't you?'

"Life was a LOT easier before AI and the 'Internet of things'!"