Kitchen Appliance Salesperson Gifts

Yard Sale: Like-New Kitchen Gadgets

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

The secret lives of household things.

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'And the funniest part is I made Frank go out and buy a new, $5,000 fridge, just to hold a $4.00 bottle of wine!'

"I bought this 'automatic bread maker', and so far it hasn't made any!"

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

'Drat - the water purifier is on backwards.'

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

Get me a bottle of house white. I need to clean the stainless steel surfaces.

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

Cooking the books

'I don't know if artificial intelligence in a toaster is a good thing. It just seems to make toast whenever it feels like it.'

'My favorite kitchen tool will always be the old fashioned fork moving automatically to my mouth!'

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

'I just can't picture it in our kitchen ..got any sticky notes or magnets and crap we can plaster all over it?'

"The Toast Whisperer"

"I guess I thought 'Andy and the blenders' was a band."

'Got any changing rooms to try this one on?'

Appliance Theatre

A doctor in her kitchen agonizes over the ethics of pulling the plug on her ailing toaster.

"Graph of broth"

'Is there any way of keeping the light one when you're inside?'

"I'm sorry, Pierre, you're just one too many."

"Now this baby can hold up to five hundred magnets."

Trouble was brewing at the party when the pot called the kettle 'black'.