Appliance Seller Gifts

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'And the funniest part is I made Frank go out and buy a new, $5,000 fridge, just to hold a $4.00 bottle of wine!'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

Jim's Smart Kettle

When it came to appliance repairs...Joe wasn't one to mince his words!

'Wow, that really was concentrated dish soap.'

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."

Yard Sale: Like-New Kitchen Gadgets

'It's just some 'Stir 'n' Blend', 'Bake 'n' Slice', 'Mix 'n' Broil', Chop 'n' Simmer and 'Pour 'n' Serve.'

'I just can't picture it in our kitchen ..got any sticky notes or magnets and crap we can plaster all over it?'

High wattage refrigerator bulb cooks food - "Moira, can we get a lower-wattage bulb in here?...this food's all cooked."

'Why can't you guys be more like the hot water heater, who may pay for itself in two years.'

'Hand over all your money or the toaster gets it!'

'Got any changing rooms to try this one on?'

'Maybe I shouldn't put 'instant cooling' on maximum.'

'This one is more expensive, but it comes with factory installed door art and notes.'

A toaster plays fetch

Appliance Theatre

"I'm in way over my head"

'Of course, the one you buy would be upright. This is just the floor model.'

'Is there any way of keeping the light one when you're inside?'

'You aerated the wine in the blender again, didn't you?'