Anti-sports Enthusiast Gifts

"Olympics? It's the first I've heard of the Olympics being on."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Improvised Dentistry.

"I have 15,000 patients...so my fantasy football team stinks."

"Yin and Yankee fan"

Terry, to me! I'm in space!

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

Church Open 51 Sundays Per Year, Closed Superbowl Sunday

'Team spirit, my ass.'

'Please cover for me Carol. I'll be away from my desk, roaming the cubicles, searching for sports talk.'

...'So I said forget about the wages, I just want to play football.'

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

"The coach said that you play like Ronaldo? Ha! You loser! He told me I play like Chloe Kelly!"

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

"I consider myself to be a counterproductive member of society."

"Well, if you don't want to talk politics would you like to talk baseball?"

'The fish and chips are very nice.'

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

'I used to be bipolar till I started supporting England.'

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'...You've got no game.'

'Before we delete their planet, let's play their quaint little ball game once more.'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

'For the 100th time! I have never used steroids!'

'Jameis Winston is going over to the sideline, I'm not sure if he's been suspended again, or just broke a chin strap."

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

Field of Dreams. Catcher in the Rye.

'I've crossed chalk with cheese!'