Anti-sports Gifts

'I don't think you actually like sports.'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

"Most men have a tankard, but oh no, not you."

World Cup. Half Empty.

Please do not throw vials of steroids onto the field.

It is what it is. Settle down! Stop being such a worrywart. What's the worst that could happen? Inactivists.

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

"His number is the amount of payola he received to play basketball for his college."

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

"Come on! It's the final lap!"

Good parenting.

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

Learning to read body language, lesson one: 'Leave me alone!'

An overweight lazy man chooses to exercise in a car at a gym.

'I don't regard hunting as a sport.' 'Neither do I!'

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

Spain trial for rigged soccer matches

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

'...You've got no game.'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

The 19th hole

"Olympics? It's the first I've heard of the Olympics being on."

'For the 100th time! I have never used steroids!'

"Mum thinks smoking is anti-social!"

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

Ye Olde Book Shoppe

Doping in Cycling.

"There's no need to be alarmed, Mr McNulty. It's quite normal for some boys to show no interest in football."

"Is there one for sportsmanship?"

"I've always believed that running is for cowards."